The Christmas Hope

The Christmas season is one of my favorite times of year. With so much anticipation for Christmas day, most people’s spirits tend to be filled with extra cheer. Words of joy, love, peace, and hope are so easily spoken—after all, “Tis the season to be jolly,” as the song says. When I think back on the many Christmases I’ve experienced, I know I’m fortunate to say that the majority of them have been filled with wonderful memories, surrounded by the people I love most in this world. Going to the Christmas tree farm, having special meals together, decorating sugar cookies, and jamming out to Christmas songs are a few favorites of mine. But I know from personal experience that with these special traditions and memories, come times of heartbreak and sadness for some.

Maybe your loved one who used to be around for your favorite holiday traditions is no longer here, or maybe you’ve never had great relationships with your family members, so seeing everyone send out their picture perfect Christmas cards can make you feel even more alone. Or maybe your Christmas will never be the same due to an unforeseen illness such as cancer. No matter the cause of your heartbreak or disappointment there are two things you should know.

1. I hear you and I see you. Even though our circumstances are probably different, I understand why you have pain around this time of year, and it is valid.

2. Despite the loneliness, bitterness, sadness, or anger you feel around this time of year, there is still hope. If you find this hope, you can experience all the joy in the world despite your circumstances.

I never understood the pain that the holidays can bring about until I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer right before Christmas. In fact, it was December 22nd, 2020 when I first received my diagnosis and thought to myself, “Christmas is never going to be the same.” Sadly, the trend of getting negative news around the holidays has continued for my family and me as I’ve repeatedly received bad scan reports at this time of year.

This year in particular has been especially and unexpectedly difficult. Once again my scans showed growth of cancer on my liver, but this time around my oncologist seemed less positive about the future. At this point in time she doesn’t believe that oral medications will be effective, so the plan is to go back to IV chemotherapy. Nolan and I left my appointment feeling devastated and to be frank, quite hopeless. Once again, our Christmas will be tainted by my depressing cancer diagnosis. I’ve found myself thinking “can’t we just have a normal, happy holiday again?!” Oh, how my family and I long for some good news! I’ve also asked myself if maybe God has put us through these trials around this time of year, because there are so many reminders of hope at Christmas time? After all, Christmas is a time in which we celebrate the greatest news of all, Jesus’ birth. A time where we rejoice because Jesus rescues us from our sins and frees us from the burdens of this world.

I was reading an advent devotional by Ruth Chou Simons, and a particular line really struck me. She writes, “Where you set your hope this Christmas season will determine how you find joy.” Since being diagnosed with a terminal illness, I have learned the hard way that there is so little I can put my hope in. All of the things I have trusted in the past—including my young and healthy body and medicine and medical technology—have continuously let me down. Many of my plans and dreams have been snatched away from me and each day is uncertain. The more I hope for a cancer free body, the more disappointed I become. I cannot put my hope in anything but my Lord and Savior or else my joy will be stolen for good.

This Christmas, I am once again reminded that my future is certain because of a baby boy who was born in a manger. Although my body is failing me, I have hope because I know that one day I will be freed from the awful, devastating pain I am experiencing now. My diagnosis may temporarily steal my happiness, but I know I can still experience genuine joy. This is one of the beautiful things about this time of year. As we anticipate Jesus’ birth we discover hope, and with that we receive His gifts of joy, peace, love, and when our time comes, eternal life with him, if we just believe. Instead of letting my diagnosis steal my joy this season, I am choosing to put my hope in God and trusting that He will supply me with all I ever need. This is not always an easy task, but the more time I spend in prayer and in scripture, the easier it is to remember His promises. Maybe the trials we face on earth are what we need to remember that Jesus is near, not only in the Christmas season, but for the rest of eternity. So, for the holidays this year, challenge yourself and ask: Where have I set my hope?

Joy in Suffering

How do I find joy in suffering? Is it even possible? I'm here to tell you, yes, it is possible. But while it is possible, this is no easy task. It's been a little over a year since I was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer in my mid-twenties. Through this time of struggle, I have learned what it means to truly suffer and grieve. I have been down in the dumps, feeling as though life will never be good again. I have cried day after day. I have become so angry, furious even, that this terrible thing has happened to me because it is so unfair. And yet, I have reached a point where more often than not I am able to experience genuine joy.

So what does true joy look like? By definition, joy is a feeling of great pleasure and happiness. While this can be so difficult to find when facing a terminal illness, there are definitely things that can bring about joy. For some it may be something simple such as a nice sunny day with a good book in hand, or the presence of a loyal friend or family member. Maybe you feel joyful after receiving good news about your last scans from your oncologist, or once you've completed chemotherapy. And you totally should! I remember feeling so accomplished and full of joy once I received my last dose of chemo! While that was an amazing feeling, feelings only last so long. You can have a wonderful day, then wake up the next morning experiencing negative thoughts about the future, or fears about the new pain in your back.

When these thoughts and feelings creep in, it can be difficult to choose joy again. I have experienced this first hand and have learned that I need to be intentional about choosing joy on a daily basis. For me this includes staying busy with hobbies I love and enjoying quality time with family and friends to name a few (see my previous blog post https://www.laurens-healing-hope.com/post/how-to-live-life-to-the-fullest-amidst-a-terminal-disease).

Although, I'm fortunate to say all of these things truly do bring me joy, I have also learned that there is a joy that can only be experienced because of my faith in Jesus Christ. I was having some quiet time and going through a Bible study and there was a line I read that stuck out to me. It says, "Joy is a condition of the heart. Joy is peace and hope despite circumstances… Joy is only found in Jesus” (by Kayla Ferris in Pointing to the Promise). How amazing is this! Because of Jesus and his sacrifice on the cross I am set free from the pain of this earth. And so are you, if you choose to believe His truths. We are promised a gift of eternal life after we die. This gives me so much hope! A hope that leads to joy, a joy like no other, a joy that cannot be satisfied by earthly things. Along with this joy, we receive peace, love, assurance that we are not alone, and so much more. Thank you, Jesus!

2 Corinthians 4 describes suffering in faith really well. "We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed" (vs 8-9). Even when we experience affliction and persecution we carry Jesus in our mortal bodies who gives us life and sustains us. Through our deepest hardships God is with us and we are not alone. And this is not the only time this is mentioned in the Bible. The Bible tells us over and over again that God is with us no matter what we are going through. Isaiah 43:2 says, "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you." How can this not give you joy in your heart?! And what a great way for Christians to use their sufferings to bring others to Christ and a life full of joy. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 goes on further and says "So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen... for the things that are unseen are eternal." In other words, our life on earth is nothing compared to the treasures waiting for us in heaven.

To sum it up, first and foremost, it IS possible to have joy in the midst of suffering. You may just have to work extra hard at choosing to be joyful. It's funny because when I was in college, I made a piece of artwork that said "choose joy" (pictured below). This statement means so much more to me now than it ever did back then, but I still must've thought it was an important enough phrase to have up on my bedroom wall. I think God knew I would need this reminder in the future. Secondly, you can experience a joy unlike any other when you choose to accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior. It is through Jesus I am able to experience true joy, as well as a peace that surpasses all understanding, a love that I cannot fathom, and a hope that my future is secured in Him. So, yes, I can find temporary joy in the things of this earth, but I find and know in my heart genuine joy that I could not find without Him. Friends, choose to rest in Him and you will be so fulfilled.