Feel it on the first

It's 2023! Still towards the beginning of a new year. A time for setting goals and resolutions. In keeping with the New Years' spirit, I have a challenge for you. A challenge that is simple, yet possibly life saving. A challenge that will hopefully become a lifestyle change. This challenge is to complete a monthly breast exam.

You may have heard this phrase before, but for those who haven't "feel it on the first" is a catchy slogan to help remind both women and men to complete a monthly breast exam on the first day of the month. So, why not start off the new year the right way and put your health first in an easy and manageable way?

Why is completing a breast exam important?

Being diligent about completing a monthly breast exam is so important because it can potentially save your life. In the U.S. alone, about 41,000 people will die from breast cancer. After receiving a stage IV breast cancer diagnosis, I regret not being more consistent with my self breast exams. I remember thinking to myself, "I'm so young, it's not really that important, plus my doctor completes an exam at my annual checkup so I'll be fine." While my case is somewhat rare, there are still thousands of women under the age of 40 who find they have breast cancer, so it's definitely still important to do. When you make breast exams a priority you will learn the feel, shape, and look of your breasts, so that even if something changes slightly you will be able to detect it and report your findings to your doctor. More often than not, a breast lump is benign, but if you happen to find a cancerous lump, this will hopefully mean early detection which is very successfully treated.

I distinctly remember finding a lump for the first time in November 2020. I thought "Hmm, this is strange, but it's probably nothing." Looking back I wish I would've gone in to see a doctor the following day rather than waiting a month to be seen, so that's why I'm sharing my story to encourage others to be more proactive than I was. While there's no way of knowing if going in a month earlier would've made a difference in the staging of my cancer, it's hard to not beat myself up about it, especially since my cancer is stage IV.

What to look for

While there is no perfect guide for detecting breast cancer -- every cancer is different -- there are general things to look for as you complete a breast exam.

1. Changes in shape to the breast - often described as skin dimpling like an orange peel. There also could be a visual lump or bump that distorts the shape of your breast.

2. Changes in size of your breast and areola.

3. Nipple changes including nipple inversion, discharge, or flaking of the skin around the nipple.

Typically cancerous lumps are firm, irregular, immovable, and painless, however this is definitely not always the case. The original lump I felt was painful which is why I noticed it, and I had no visual changes to my breast, so sadly there is no golden criteria. Hence the phrase, "When in doubt, get it checked out!"

How to complete a self breast exam

Step 1. Look in the mirror without a shirt or bra on and observe if anything looks abnormal. You know your body best, so if there is a change you can visibly see (big or small) this is something to take note of. Some examples of what to be looking for include any lumps, bumps, changes in shape, size, or color, and nipple discharge.

Step 2. Use your hand to feel your breast on the opposite side of your body with your other arm raised.

There are different ways to feel and it really comes down to preference, but some of the most common ways to perform an exam are to circle around the breast and slowly move in towards the nipple, to move in or vertical lines across the breast, or to complete a wedge like pattern where you visually divide the breast into pie segments and feel each section. Whatever method you choose, you should be consistent each month so you have an easier time detecting any changes. Also make sure to feel your armpits as key lymph nodes are located there and can help with early detection of cancer.

Step 3. Repeat the process above but while laying down on a bed. A slight change in position may help reveal different changes to your breast.

Step 4. If you notice anything abnormal or different from your baseline, report it to your doctor right away. Try not to panic as more often than not, a lump or bump is noncancerous, but reporting it right away will at least ensure you get seen by a physician soon and have further testing done.

I hope this was informative and helpful! And again... don't forget to feel it on the first!!!

The Christmas Hope

The Christmas season is one of my favorite times of year. With so much anticipation for Christmas day, most people’s spirits tend to be filled with extra cheer. Words of joy, love, peace, and hope are so easily spoken—after all, “Tis the season to be jolly,” as the song says. When I think back on the many Christmases I’ve experienced, I know I’m fortunate to say that the majority of them have been filled with wonderful memories, surrounded by the people I love most in this world. Going to the Christmas tree farm, having special meals together, decorating sugar cookies, and jamming out to Christmas songs are a few favorites of mine. But I know from personal experience that with these special traditions and memories, come times of heartbreak and sadness for some.

Maybe your loved one who used to be around for your favorite holiday traditions is no longer here, or maybe you’ve never had great relationships with your family members, so seeing everyone send out their picture perfect Christmas cards can make you feel even more alone. Or maybe your Christmas will never be the same due to an unforeseen illness such as cancer. No matter the cause of your heartbreak or disappointment there are two things you should know.

1. I hear you and I see you. Even though our circumstances are probably different, I understand why you have pain around this time of year, and it is valid.

2. Despite the loneliness, bitterness, sadness, or anger you feel around this time of year, there is still hope. If you find this hope, you can experience all the joy in the world despite your circumstances.

I never understood the pain that the holidays can bring about until I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer right before Christmas. In fact, it was December 22nd, 2020 when I first received my diagnosis and thought to myself, “Christmas is never going to be the same.” Sadly, the trend of getting negative news around the holidays has continued for my family and me as I’ve repeatedly received bad scan reports at this time of year.

This year in particular has been especially and unexpectedly difficult. Once again my scans showed growth of cancer on my liver, but this time around my oncologist seemed less positive about the future. At this point in time she doesn’t believe that oral medications will be effective, so the plan is to go back to IV chemotherapy. Nolan and I left my appointment feeling devastated and to be frank, quite hopeless. Once again, our Christmas will be tainted by my depressing cancer diagnosis. I’ve found myself thinking “can’t we just have a normal, happy holiday again?!” Oh, how my family and I long for some good news! I’ve also asked myself if maybe God has put us through these trials around this time of year, because there are so many reminders of hope at Christmas time? After all, Christmas is a time in which we celebrate the greatest news of all, Jesus’ birth. A time where we rejoice because Jesus rescues us from our sins and frees us from the burdens of this world.

I was reading an advent devotional by Ruth Chou Simons, and a particular line really struck me. She writes, “Where you set your hope this Christmas season will determine how you find joy.” Since being diagnosed with a terminal illness, I have learned the hard way that there is so little I can put my hope in. All of the things I have trusted in the past—including my young and healthy body and medicine and medical technology—have continuously let me down. Many of my plans and dreams have been snatched away from me and each day is uncertain. The more I hope for a cancer free body, the more disappointed I become. I cannot put my hope in anything but my Lord and Savior or else my joy will be stolen for good.

This Christmas, I am once again reminded that my future is certain because of a baby boy who was born in a manger. Although my body is failing me, I have hope because I know that one day I will be freed from the awful, devastating pain I am experiencing now. My diagnosis may temporarily steal my happiness, but I know I can still experience genuine joy. This is one of the beautiful things about this time of year. As we anticipate Jesus’ birth we discover hope, and with that we receive His gifts of joy, peace, love, and when our time comes, eternal life with him, if we just believe. Instead of letting my diagnosis steal my joy this season, I am choosing to put my hope in God and trusting that He will supply me with all I ever need. This is not always an easy task, but the more time I spend in prayer and in scripture, the easier it is to remember His promises. Maybe the trials we face on earth are what we need to remember that Jesus is near, not only in the Christmas season, but for the rest of eternity. So, for the holidays this year, challenge yourself and ask: Where have I set my hope?

Beyond the pink ribbon

It's currently the end of October, also known as Breast Cancer Awareness Month. The pink ribbons have been flying high, and the breast cancer campaigns may still be advertising for their fundraisers, but this won't last for long. Soon it will be November and next thing you know, everyone will be focused on the busy holiday season. While this is completely normal and acceptable, I've come to appreciate Breast Cancer Awareness Month. It is such an inspiring time for many, bringing about a sense of hope. But after being diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer (MBC), I have learned from experience that although breast cancer awareness month has good intentions, there are definitely some things that are unproductive and can put a sour taste in the mouths of those of us with MBC.

1. Pink ribbons don't do anything - They might raise awareness, but the money should be going towards actual research, not towards creating pink products. Many organizations spend money investing into pink products for the month of October, but rather than throwing money away to "raise awareness," businesses should put their money where their mouth is and actually donate to campaigns that raise money for breast cancer research, specifically stage IV.

2. MBC is not represented by the pink ribbon - Lower stages of breast cancer are considered curable (unless the cancer comes back) whereas MBC is incurable. Because of this large distinction, the MBC ribbon contains teal, green, and pink. This is why my blog includes these colors! You can read a little more about this if you head my home page.

3. Many breast cancer campaigns don't donate money to research MBC - Less than 5% of all funds raised for breast cancer are actually focused on saving the lives of those of us with MBC. If more money was raised for actual research this would most likely result in finding a cure for all stages of breast cancer, or at least allow MBC to become a chronic disease rather than a terminal disease. METAvivor is one of the few organizations that donates all funds raised to MBC research. This is why I frequently advocate for this organization.

4. There is a constant reminder that breast cancer exists - The way that breast cancer is nonchalantly discussed during October can be really difficult for those of us who are actually diagnosed with the disease. I completely understand that there is a need for awareness so others realize that breast cancer, specifically MBC, is a real issue, but frequently reading the statistics about MBC is honestly depressing. The fact that the average person with MBC lives only 2-3 years is a terrifying thought. It's already been almost 2 years since I was diagnosed, so thinking that based on averages I only have one year left to live is extremely difficult to think about and be reminded of on a daily basis.

5. There is a focus on survivors - Something that is celebrated during breast cancer awareness month is the many men and women who have beaten breast cancer and are currently in remission. I greatly rejoice with those who have overcome breast cancer, but the focus on survivorship can be frustrating because MBC is not curable. In this day and age it is impossible to be in remission from MBC, so I believe there should be more of a focus on those of us who are thriving despite facing an incurable disease, even if we haven't necessarily "beaten cancer." Sometimes the common phrases that are so frequently spoken around this time such as "You can beat this," "You're so strong," or "Cancer's got nothing on you" can make me feel like a failure. I know people have good intentions when they say these things, but in reality, those of us with MBC will never be cancer free. It also is disappointing to hear these phrases when many people in my cancer community have died from MBC because I know they did everything they could to survive and live a long and happy life.

Now, besides all this negative stuff, lets focus on some of the positives that come with breast cancer awareness month:

1. Certain organizations, such as METAvivor, are campaigning and raising money for MBC - As stated above, more funds need to go towards MBC. "Stage IV needs more" is a common phrase you might here at this time of year and is a great reminder about the necessity of researching MBC to be able to find more life saving or even life prolonging drugs. METAvivor has done a great raising awareness for MBC and has raised over $350,000 for MBC this October. It is because of organizations like this that I have hope that I will one day be able to beat this disease.

2. Having a month designated to breast cancer gives those of us with breast cancer a great platform to share our stories and educate those around us - If you follow me on social media, you will know that I've definitely taken advantage of October to share things that are close to my heart, as well as educate those around me about the importance of donations to MBC research. In case you missed it, I was chosen by METAvivor to share a bit of my story as well as some important things I want my family and friends to know. You can watch it here! https://www.instagram.com/p/CkBkVBVg81y/

3. The community comes together - This is one of my favorite things about October. From fun runs, to fundraisers, seeing people come together for a good cause makes my heart happy. It is also a great reminder of the support I have in my community.

4. Progress for MBC awareness specifically is made - This year, I decided to volunteer with METAvivor to help make a difference. My specific role was to compose a proclamation and write a letter to the Governor of Michigan to make October 13th Michigan's Metastatic Breast Cancer Awareness Day. I am proud to say that my hard work paid off and it's official. This is just one small and personal example, but it gives me hope knowing that every small step adds up and is making a difference.

So, while Breast Cancer Awareness Month has definitely provided opportunities for progress in the breast cancer world to be made, there is still room for growth. I hope that together those of us with breast cancer as well as those who have not personally been affected by this disease will continue to raise awareness and donate to organizations in the months to come to find a cure!