Living beyond the diagnosis: Five Years with metastatic breast cancer

It’s been five years since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. 1,825 days of poking, prodding, procedures, and more importantly, persistent prayer that I will continue my life here on earth as long as possible. Though much of these past five years is a blur due to chemo brain, stress, and trauma, I will never forget the initial diagnosis — the shock, denial, and fear — and the day when my supposed stage II diagnosis was actually stage IV: terminal, metastatic, a death sentence. 

As I approach my five year “cancerversary,” it’s hard to process the million thoughts running through my mind. Five years with a stage IV diagnosis is not something to be taken lightly. It’s a huge feat that I’ve made it this long, especially when you consider the stats: only 32% of people diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer will live longer than five years. I am beyond grateful I’m still here, and not just surviving, but thriving. Although the last two years have been extra encouraging, the first three years of my diagnosis were difficult beyond words and stretched me physically, mentally, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually. In five years I have accomplished more than I ever would’ve imagined, learned some hard but valuable truths, lost dear friends to cancer, and acquired new insights on life. But all of these moments — the good, the bad, the painful, the hopeful, and everything in between — have shaped me into the person I am today. 

Things I’ve done since my diagnosis

There are so many things I’ve attained post diagnosis that I probably would’ve never done if it weren’t for cancer. 

• Nolan and I have prioritized living life to the fullest and making sweet memories together. We’ve traveled the world together and seen places we never could’ve imagined seeing at this point in our lives. 

• I have chosen vulnerability over fear in so many aspects of my life. I have shared my story with all of you — the good, the bad, and the ugly — in hopes that someone else would learn something from my life or find hope in my story. 

• I have been a guest on a podcast, and I sang the national anthem at a Detroit Red Wings game. I genuinely don’t think “pre-cancer Lauren” would’ve had the guts to do so. 

• We bought a house! This is something we never thought we would be able to afford post diagnosis, but God provided for us! We love having a place to call home, especially after moving so many times and feeling so unsettled. 

• I have prioritized my faith more than ever, and have tangibly seen how a life in Christ is full of blessings upon blessings amidst the challenges of life.  

Things I’ve learned 

The valuable life lessons cancer has taught me.

• I can handle more than I ever imagined. In the first few weeks of my diagnosis, I vividly remember wondering how I was going to make it through each day. How would I handle chemo, medical procedures, constant blood draws, isolation, and side effects from medication? I honestly still don’t fully know how I made it through so much! Though it was far from easy, I am so proud of myself for remaining strong and pressing on, even on the difficult days… and there were plenty of those to go around. Long story short, I’m tough and resilient. 

• Our community is top notch! A big part of why I’m still here today is because of our dear families and friends who have supported us so well. Although it is very humbling and at times awkward to accept help, we now understand the value of close community and the need to rely on others for strength. Thank you endlessly for your prayers, financial support, and tender care over the last five years.

  
  

• Clinical trials are amazing! Not only are they amazing, they are literally saving lives. As a former medical professional, I thought I understood the value of medical research, but being on the other side as a patient who is desperate for innovative medicine has taught me how vital research truly is. It has been over two and half years since I was told we were running out of treatment options. Hearing that all I had left was clinical trials was daunting to say the least, but I have been pleasantly surprised by the success of new research. I am so impressed and grateful for the unnamed drugs I take everyday that are prolonging my life and shrinking cancer cells unlike any other past treatments. 

  
  

• God can surprise us! After praying for healing for years and experiencing the opposite time after time, I genuinely thought healing was not a part of God’s will for my life. In recent times, by the grace of God, this does not seem to be true after all. I still have a hard time believing the turn of events in my life! God is so good! I will never stop praying for the miracle of complete healing, and I trust that God is able to do more than I could ever imagine! 

Things I’ve lost

The things cancer has taken away from me that I will mourn for the rest of my life.

• One of the painful truths of being diagnosed with cancer is that you will most likely find friendship within the cancer community, only for it to be taken away because of the horrible disease you have in common. I am beyond thankful for the friendships formed with my fellow cancer warriors, but having to lose multiple friends to the same disease I hold is not only heartbreaking, but also uncomfortable. It’s an unnerving reminder of the inevitable: that most likely, cancer will take my life one day. It’s also not fair that I’m still here, and other people who are just as deserving to be here are not. I think especially of Sierra Zylstra, Kelli Si, and Pastor Pat Schwenk. I miss all of them so much, but look forward to the day when I will see them again. There are countless other women who I’ve met online through different support groups for young women with stage IV breast cancer who have passed away, and every time I hear of one of them passing away, I am deeply saddened.

  
  

• In 2022, I had my ovaries removed in hope that having as little estrogen in my body would save me from the estrogen-feeding cancer cells in my body. While I still believe without a doubt this was the best decision for my health, the myriad of side effects that come without having ovaries at such a young age are quite unpleasant. Not only has this affected my ability to carry a child, but I also experience things that are supposed to be reserved for women in their fifties, not someone in her late 20’s and early 30’s. This includes hot flashes, poor body temperature regulation, hair thinning, weight gain, increased osteoporosis risk and more. Who knew that having your ovaries removed would affect daily life so much.   

  
  

• The inability to carry a child is one of the biggest losses I have experienced since my diagnosis. Nolan and I continuously grieve the hopes and dreams we once had for our life together. I often say this loss cuts deeper than having cancer itself. 

• It struck me the other day as I was thinking about living with cancer for five years — I will never get to live a life without cancer. In other words, I have lost the ability to live a cancer-free life. It’s a strange feeling, knowing a stage IV diagnosis never goes away. While I hope and strive to live many more years, with modern medicine it’s currently impossible for me to ever become a “survivor” and be deemed cancer free. With new medical research and technology, a cure may eventually be found allowing this to be possible, but I miss being able to say I’m a healthy individual. I miss what it feels like without cancer defining a big part of my life. 

Things I’ve gained

The positives that have come with a stage IV cancer diagnosis.

• As mentioned above, I have found true friendship through the cancer community. It’s hard to imagine a life without meeting those wonderful people who have inspired and encouraged me to persevere even when life is tough. We have also been uplifted by our families, college friends, high school friends, church community, and even strangers! I am so appreciative of the gift of friendship!

  
  

• Cancer has given me a whole new outlook on life. I will never take a day for granted again. Although we will all die one day, being diagnosed with something as heavy as cancer makes death feel that much more possible. This can be an exhausting way to live, until you realize that every moment counts, and wonderful memories can be made each and every day. It also has made my desire for heaven that much greater. I long for the day when my body will be healed of this disease, and I no longer have to fear what the future holds. This perspective, while unique, is something I truly value and have come to appreciate.

  
  

• Most importantly, five years with cancer has strengthened my faith. I have always been a believer, but my faith has been tested and become better for it. Just as growing and stretching takes time, pain, and hard work, God has meticulously shaped and molded me into a better version of myself. In the lowest lows of my life, He has been beside me, strengthening me and guiding me to where I am now. A place where I trust Him with my life completely, no matter what tomorrow looks like. 

Although the future is uncertain, I am beyond thankful for life — my almost 32 years of life, including five years with cancer. Regardless of poor health, I will continue to live each day with gratitude for the breath in my lungs. I will continue to take to heart the life lessons living with metastatic breast cancer has taught me. I will continue to remain hopeful for a miracle. And I will continue to trust that the unexpected can be used for good, even if it’s cancer.